Raedarling: Rae's paradoxes and theories on life

Saturday 26 May 2007

Rae's paradoxes and theories on life

I'm still having blogger's block. Lets call it BBS (blogger's block syndrome). *sigh*. Currently, I do not only have BBS, but ASS (Acute Stress Syndrome) as well. I'm having ASS because I'm wasting my time online instead of studying and I'm having BBS because ASS is bothering me. And I'm having ASS because BBS is making me sit blankly in front of the computer with nothing to type and although I know I should be studying, I'm sitting here wasting my time thinking of what to write. The more BBS i get, the more ASS i have. And the more ASS i have, the more i cannot concentrate on blogging, and that's where BBS comes in. And this horrible cycle goes round and round and round till I actually explode or die of ASS and/or BBS.

Which reminds me. Have you ever experienced feelings where you get frustrated because you cannot concentrate on doing something and then because of that frustration it wipes out your concentration all the more? And when your frustration does that, you get even more frustrated than ever because your previous frustration wiped out your little concentration that you had. And when that happens, you get even more frustrated and you cannot concentrate all the more. For some unknown reason, I constantly find myself in this kind of situations where this horrible cycle will eventually reduce me to nothing but tears. And then even those tears do not sympathize me. Instead, they make my eyes painful and tired so that I can never ever concentrate on what I was doing ever again. Then the frustration comes again. And it goes on and on and on.

I call this 'Rae's Paradox of Uneasiness'.

However, there is another kind of circle of events which is quite the opposite. I call it 'The Theoretical Paradox of Infinite Happiness'. I say it is theoretical because in theory, it is logical but in real life, it never does happen. If it did, practically everyone in this world would be laughing and the slogan "make love, not war" would never exist.

My theory is this: When you are happy (for various reasons) and your enemy sees you being happy he/she will obviously be unhappy because of your happiness. And when you see his/her unhappiness, you will be happier because the person you hate is being unhappy. And when your enemy sees you becoming happier, he/she will become even more unhappy. And this pleasant circle goes on. Unfortunately, I have never been in this situation before. *sigh*...Why do only bad things ever happen to me?

I call this field of study Lifentology. And I am, of course, a lifentologist. After 17 years of research, I have come up with this conclusion: Theoretically, it is possible to have pleasant and unpleasant life paradoxes (like the two examples mentioned above) but in reality, only unpleasant life paradoxes like the 'Rae's Paradox of Uneasiness' ever happens to us. 'Us' as in, all the human beans in the world.

Yes, beans. There was no spelling error.

But of course, as I have been a lifentologist for only 17 years, there are still lots of things to research on. 17 years of experience is not enough. Therefore, I do not think I am in the position to verify my theories yet. There is still room for argument.

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Everything you should know.

I live in a modern city called Singapore. I believe that what you do does not determine who you are.

I love pink, ice cream, movies, computer games, shopping, designer bags, and all gadgets and gizmos.

I am someone who lives in the moment. Some people may view me as the type who is carefree, nonchalant and not generally concerned about my affairs, or as some may put it, a "couldn't-be-bothered" attitude. However, the truth is that when I am put under pressure, I tend to hide my true feelings of anxiety and panic, and I put on a calm appearance. When faced with problems, I try to put on a strong face and be okay, even though I may not be. I generally try to see the brighter side of things and be happy. This has led to some people assuming that I just don't bother to be concerned about things, while I actually do.

I also enjoy meeting new people and talking to people. I enjoy telling people about myself and sharing my life experiences, as well as listening to their stories. I believe that there is something to learn from everyone, regardless of their age, gender, social background, or status. I feel energized and motivated when I am talking to people, because I know that I can always learn something new from each conversation.

I love digital art and I enjoy sketching on my iPad, though I wished my skills were better. Occasionally, I do pen and paper sketches too. I have an interest in singing and dancing, though I'll have to admit, I don't have much talent for that.

I enjoy curling up in bed with a good book, something I do less often than I should, no thanks to my busy and hectic life.

I am an avid movie goer. While most find it satisfactory to catch a movie once a month, I demand my weekly movie dosage. I have a huge fascination for movies featuring the living, flesh eating dead and I religiously watch every single one of them.

Let them laugh - I hold fast to my principles and values regardless of how others view me.

I continuously remind myself that failing is fun, and that everything is an experience.

I may procrastinate at times, and it is something I am trying to change. My living space can be a little messy at times, and maybe also a little disorganized. I wished I could be more organized than I currently am, and this is also something I am striving to achieve. However, I believe that a little bit of disorganization shows personality and creativity.

People motivate me. However, I can sometimes feel pressured and intimidated by someone whom I regard a higher status than I am, in terms of experience and maturity. With regards to these people, I tend to speak less and listen more, for fear of being ridiculed for saying something shallow. I realize that this is something I need to work on, and I am trying my best to improve my confidence.

I have done things I am not proud of, some of which I'd rather not say. I am not perfect. Sometimes I make bad choices. some may think I'm a bad person, but I don't care. I say what I want to say and I do what I want to do without worrying about what others think.

I aspire everyday to become a better person and I am constantly stiriving to improve myself to be a more confident, independent and courageous woman.