Saturday, 23 February 2008

A girl's essential guide to safety.

There are more and more sex maniacs around these days. Therefore, as a caring blogger, it is my obligation to extend my deepest, most profound concern to all my beloved female readers out there. Despite the sad, miserable failure of my first campaign, I am going to run my second campaign, For The Safety Of Girls. It is my sincere hope that through this campaign, my efforts will effectively curb the increase of rape cases.

What do you do if you get raped?

1. DO NOT clean yourself. The semen on your body is good evidence. Go straight to the nearest police station you can find.

2. Be prepared to be open about it and to explain in detail about the whole situation and everything that happened.

How to avoid being raped?

1. Avoid secluded and desolate areas.

2. Never leave your drink unattended.

3. Take some time off your schedule to learn up martial arts.

4. Keep a bottle of pepper spray with you at all times.


You didn't really think I was serious about that, did you?

I would be so disappointed if you did.

At Raedarling, you can expect more eccentric advices than those boring ones mentioned above.

So, what do you do if you get raped?



Nothing feels better than sweet, sweet revenge.

You could either force your attacker's penis into your vagina (if you want sexual pleasure for yourself) or you could stick a cactus into the asshole's asshole. Or, for maximum pleasure, do both. It's your choice. Either way, you lower their ego much more than you could ever imagine. So much that your loss of self worth (due to being raped) would be considered negligible.

A small cactus can easily be purchased at any gardening store at a very low price. Remember to keep it with you at all times.

Another good idea is to give your attackers a blow job. With some additional changes. You know, to increase the pleasure.

Bite their penises. Hard. Real f**king hard. (It's also a good idea to sharpen your teeth for this trick, if you don't mind looking like a vampire.)

How to avoid being raped?

The penis is one of the most sensitive parts of a male's body. If you see a potential rapist coming your way, quickly strip and show him your vagina in full view. Then, produce a bottle of concentrated sulphuric acid (H2SO4) and pour it into your vagina. Make sure he witnesses the entire demonstration. I suggest keeping a small bottle of sulphuric acid with you at all times.

You know the cruel bear traps hunters sometime use to catch wild animals? Get a miniature one. You know where to fix it.

These traps are so strong they can actually break a dog's leg.

One word. Ouch.

However, if you think all the steps mentioned above are too much of a hassle, there is an easier alternative.

Stay at home, and don't let anyone else into the house.

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