Wednesday, 18 August 2010

a loving family, a great boyf, great friends, and even more currently, earning $1200 a month.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- Buddha 

Today, I realised that I feel so...


I mean, not happy happy, just happy.

It's like, I'm not in this estatic state of euphoria or anything like that, I don't go "YAY!!" all the time or go hyper like I sometimes do when I get happy for getting what I want, I'm just happy.

I guess I've had this good feeling in me for a while, say, a couple of weeks, but it took me this long to finally figure out that it meant happiness.

If I had to back-track to the day when this nice feeling started, I think it'd be the time when Kevin finally came back to Singapore. =)

I didn't notice it at first, but thinking back, yes, I've had my stressful moments at work, my random rants about those nitty-bitty inconveniences in life (why can't people move faster during peak hours at MRT stations?!?! Don't you need to get to work? Dumb inconsiderate slow-pokes), and yes, I've been angry and upset at times, but on the whole, I guess I was happy.

You know how I usually get hyper when I've just returned from a productive shopping spree, or when I've just bought myself electronic stuffs, or when DHL finally ships my online purchases to me?

This feeling is different. This happiness is like no other. The joy of receiveing (or rather, purchaing) new stuff is great, but it wears off after a while. This is different. This... I feel like I'm happy. No reason. Just because.

I guess I've finally learned how to live with my life. I should be happy; why shouldn't I be? I've got a roof over my head, enough cash in my bank account, food to eat, a good tertiary education, a bright future ahead, a loving family, a great boyf, great friends, and even more currently, earning $1200 a month.


Granted, I don't have a place I can call my own, no car, and have moved 3 times just this one year and still counting (when will NTU give me a room!!!). I know there's so much more I can achieve - a luxurious home, my very own car, a high-paying job, a tour around the world, and extra money to buy those rich-people-stuff I don't need.

But for now, I'm happy. Even when I know I have shitloads of work waiting in my office to be done, even when I get awfully stressed out, and even when I get worried over my hostel accomodation, none of them seem to be bothering me. I still feel happy. As I said, I don't know why, I just am.

I remember how for this past few weeks, I'd sometimes smile to myself while walking, singing a song in my head, having an imaginary squiggly with a note floating behind me.

Like so:
Googled the picture, added the squiggly and musical note myself.

Sometimes, I'd even imagine that my note + squiggly was infectious, and those who walked past me would have my happiness rub off on them and that their gloom would suddenly turn into joy. On other times, I'd imagine that maybe my note + squiggly was visible to others, and they would see it and feel my happiness and they'd marvel at my joyful mood, and I'd turn heads because, as they say, happiness makes a person shine.

Sometimes, I'd just take a deep breath, look up and smile at the sun (or the ceiling/clouds/whateverisupthere), and then I'd imagine that with every new smile I make, a new squiggly and note would get squeezed out of the back of my head, each one being bigger than the last.

Sometimes, I'd imagine them to be translucent, glowing with a shade of golden-yellow, but most of the time I'd imagine they were a shade of cute baby-pink, with white-pinkish glowing edges.

They'd float right behind me, symbolising my joy, and that nobody else could ever destroy them coz nobody could touch it; they'd be like light clouds, even if you tried touching them, your hand would just go right through them.

And then, I'd go on about my errands, knowing that nothing could ever ruin my day.

Maybe, just maybe, you could say that I'm happy because I'm alive, living, loving, and loved.


No comments: