Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Insults (Gossip Babies,this entry might interest you)

I'm so in the mood of criticizing people right now.

Siew Wern
SW, one of the juniors from my school.

OMG, you should take a look at her Friendster profile. Unfortunately, she has deleted it. Aww...SW, did you have to do that? You have disappointed so many readers. =(

Anyway, for the rest of you who might happen to know her in real life,

Look. At. Her. Pictures.

What is it with that slab of hair covering almost 60% of her face? Scared her face too pretty, guys drool all over her is it? She is posing like a 'kiut little doll' in every photo of hers.

You see her photos for yourself lar.

CUTE MEH! Wah, if like that I can be super model liao loh!

Her face reminds me of the goiter disease. Only, in her case, the swelling isn't on her neck; it's on her cheeks. Do you HAVE TO puff up your cheeks till your head reminds me of puffer fish? Not fat enough is it! And don't even get me started on her fatness. Okay, maybe she isn't fat fat, but at the very least, she is definitely big-boned.

Some people say big-boned when they actually mean fat, so as to not hurt people's feelings, so it makes no difference if I call her fat anyway. But I don't want to be rude...

Ah, what the heck! I already am rude!

ALRIGHT, SHE IS FAT!

There! I've said it. Phew! Another burden off my chest.

Her eyes are unnaturally BIG. No, let me rephrase that. Her eye's ain't big, 'cause she replaced them with bugs' eyes. And (the horrors!) she rolls her eyes in every single photo of hers, like its a natural thing to roll your eyes when you are taking pictures.

"Lets take a photo together! On the count of three!"

"One, two, three!" *everyone rolls eyes together*

And guys, if you are thinking "So what if her outlook appearance suck? It's the inside that counts. Those things inside her bra look big enough and I think I might enjoy screwing her.", think again.

Do you know how they look so big in photos?

No, it's not Photo Shop.

Every girl knows that to make your A-cup boobs look like D-cup, just squeeze you busts together. With a little practice, some experts like our dear friend SW here can make it look as if they're naturally big.

"Aphrodite"
This supermodel here is another version of Siew Wern.

But of course! They're best friends.

Unlike SW who is big boned, she is plain fat.

F.A.T. (And short too.)

I don't know how she look so slim in her photos. Here is her Friendster profile.

I suspect she makes some of her pictures blur on purpose so as to hide her fats, pimples, and blemishes. Or she thinks blur photos are sexy (apparently not).

In the rest of her 'unblured' photos, her face and cheeks normally look red and rosy or white and smooth.

My dear readers, do not be fooled.

This pock-faced girl probably either took her pictures in lighting which does not show her flaws, or she uses Photo Shop.

She is terribly 'hiao', too. Rumour has it that she has had already 20 over ex-boyfriends.

It's just a rumour, you might say. Alright then, let me tell you a lil experience I had being her 'boyfriend'.

My friend (a member of the Gossip Babies) came across her phone number which was printed on a name-list. Of course, to the Gossip Babies, this kind of information was priceless; we just had to put it to good use.

I took her number home and sent her a message.

"Hi. I'm Daniel."

To which she replied, "Hi, who are you?"

We immediately began a conversation:
Me: I'm Daniel
Her: Which school are you from? SXI?
Me: Nope. Private school.
Her: Which school?
Me: Not telling. I have been liking you for a very long time. Will you be my gf?

I forgot what she replied, but I'm sure she felt flattered.

Finally, after a few days of chatting (there was even once I asked a guy friend to pretend to be me to talk to her because she kept insisting that she wanted to hear my voice), she agreed to be my 'girlfriend'.

Hypothesis proven. She is hiau!

For the next following days, she kept bugging me with her messages. So I sent her a message:

"Although I'm your bf, it does not mean I have to sms with you 24/7. I still have my own life to live. Just because you are my gf, it doesn't mean my life should revolve around you, okay?"

And I dumped her.

If I'm not mistaken, I think she wanted me back. Of course I rejected her. I had already wasted so much money calling her and sending her messages. I didn't want to waste anymore of my time on her. I was done toying with her. It cost way too much.

A few days later, she found out that her 'bf Daniel' was actually one of the Gossip Babies. But she didn't know which Babe it was.

Aphrodite, if you are reading this, now you know. It's me.

Later, I found out that while she was having 'Daniel', she was already with another guy.

Damn. She cheated on me.

5 comments:

Ee said...

haha Lynn here.. I do hope you still remember who i am.. been reading your blog for quite some time.. and i couldn't help but comment on this post.. Laughed non stop.. Great job in being 'Daniel'. XD XD

raedarling said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
raedarling said...

Of course I remember you! One of my best friends in primary school. Thanks for supporting my blog! Haha..

Ee said...

haha welcome... keep on writing.. XD

WilZC said...

whoah.. incarnate of evil...
friendster sluts are pretty annoying only if u choose to let them annoy you!, let them be larh. although shes pretty fugly :S, she keeps pouting her mouth in a weird manner, and makes her look like she has a moustache of some sort :S