Academic stress

I'm so fucking pissed off.

It frustrates me all the more that I don't know who to be pissed off at.

My parents? Tutors and lecturers? My god-awful inhumanely intelligent course mates? The entire university in general? Mother Nature? God Himself?

My parents expect me to do well academically. Tutors and lecturers feed me with infinite horrible math equations and weird theories, and lots of tutorials. My horribly intelligent course mates are pulling up the grades. Mother Nature expects me to spend 8 precious hours sleeping when those hours can be put to better use like studying. God isn't giving me enough time. Only 24 hours a day?? Who is He kidding???

Tutorials and past year exam papers to be done. Lecture notes to be studied.

I'm so left behind. I've got Physics, Computing, Chemistry, and Business Law tutorials to be done. It's 2 a.m., and I'm fucking sleepy but I can't fall asleep coz every time my head hits the pillow, my conscience condemns me for wasting my time sleeping (my goodness, can you think of any other activity even more time-consuming???) instead of studying.

I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF.

I WISHED I COULD JUST IGNORE MY ACADEMIC RESULTS BUT I CAN'T.

APPARENTLY, MY EXAM RESULTS ARE TOO GODDAMN IMPORTANT AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.

To all of you Malaysian university students out there, you should feel oh-so-lucky you're studying in local uni and not in Singapore.

Note that I was being sarcastic.

What I really meant was, we students in NTU are more privileged than you guys back in Malaysia coz we learn more, undergo more stress, and hence are moulded into better students.

Note that USM students get their first class honours by not studying, but NTU students get their third-class honours by studying their asses off. Probably due to Malaysian universities having low standards and low entry requirements. Heck, even a lousy pass in STPM (A-Levels equivalent) allows you to study in Malaysian universities; probably to give students who are not doing too well academically the opportunity to get a university education. They don't see that the plan has actually backfired; nobody has a high opinion of Malaysian universties anymore. That's probably why Malaysians students get dumber each year.

Malaysian government has got to accept the fact that not all students are smart, and you can't please everyone by granting each and everyone of them a university education, especially when they're just not up for it.

I wouldn't find it surprising that Malaysia is now facing a huge brain drain problem.

I mean, who on earth would want to study in a Malaysian university if you were given the opportunity to study in Singapore?

I don't even care if I have offended anyone of you. I just want you guys to know that NTU is not an easy place to be in, and only the best can stay alive.

A few days later, I'm gonna regret I said those mean things.

But as for now, Fuck. It.

Gawd, I hate myself so much I wished I could just kill myself off but I can't coz I don't have the courage to, which in turn makes me hate myself even more.

Fuck studies.

I wished I were dead.