deep then, shallow now.

"Sometimes I want to be 'deep', but when i get too deep, I start to confuse myself and then I give up. It's this feeling where you want to say something, but you cant say it coz its too confusing and too deep and by the time u get halfway through saying it, u forgot what was it you wanted to say in the first place."

-Rachel-

When I was younger, people always asked me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

To which, I had a series of replies, which of course grew more and more aspiring (and more realistic, of course) as I grew up.

When I was 7, I wanted to be a doctor. Coz my mother said, "Study hard, get into a university, and become a doctor. It's very difficult to become a doctor; only smart people get to become doctors. However, doctors earn a lot of money."

I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to get rich.

At 8, I wanted to be a bride. With the beautiful, flowing gown and sweet-smelling flowers.

At 9, I wanted to be a singer. You know, like Britney Spears or Spice Girls.

At 10, I wanted to be a business woman, earning big bucks.

At 13, I wanted to be a scientist. The one who replaces Newton's photograph in historical science books.

At 14, I wanted to be a preacher. Love God, work for Him.

At 15, I wanted to be a lawyer. I loved arguing.

By 17, I wanted to be a university student. The one who's only real job is to study, socialize, and have fun. I guess I finally realized that having a real occupation isn't that pleasurable after all.

Of all the occupations I'd once contemplated about, never once did I tell myself, "I want to be an engineer."

I thought engineers were boring people who dealt with... uh... stuff. Boring stuff. Though technically, I didn't know what stuff they usually dealt with.

Guess what?

Here I am, in university, studying Mechanical Engineering, the thing I least had interest in during my childhood days.

So, right now, at 19, what would I want to be when I grow up (or rather, 3 years from now)?

Honestly, I don't know.

An engineer, maybe?

Earth Hour.

"Why care, when by the time the earth reaches a chronic stage, I'd be dead already?"

-Rachel-

Earth Hour went pretty fine.

Our NTU Dragon and Lion Dance Troupe performed at Esplanade. Too bad I didn't get to witness them switch off the lights.

By 8.30 p.m., I was in my room, enjoying myself in front of my laptop, lights brightly lit, speakers blaring, and the ceiling fan spinning at full speed.

You see, I'm not so much if an earth person after all.

***

My fave candy:



Of which I finished consuming in 2 days.

Am having a bad case of upset stomach.

I, You.

"You went really far, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"What was the end of this land like?"

"There was nothing there. But... It was bright. The sky was beautiful, and it made me want to show it to you. I thought that I wanted to see it through your drawings."

"I want to go there, too. I want to draw it..."


"How far can I go without looking back?

I think I just wanted to understand how important the things that I'm riding away from are."

-Takemoto, Honey and Clover-

"I'm in love with you."

Sometimes, at night, I love standing outside my room, feeling the cool breeze, just thinking of you.

I'd look over at the grass rooftop and think of the times we'd been there together during those late nights, drinking and talking and sharing about our past. Then, I'd look at the empty road leading to your room and my eyes would follow its route till it disappears behind the trees.

At times, I can see you walk down that road and I'd wish I was there walking with you.

Sometimes, I wished time would just stop. It's moving too damn fast; I can't even think right.

You

"Then, one day, I thought: How far can I go without looking back?"

-Takemoto, Honey and Clover-

All I want is for you to treat me better, to be more sensitive. To be more like how I thought you were back when we were best friends.

But even so, I think I would always look back.

The present is sweet, but the past holds memories.

***

The Duck song.

Watch!!!!!

Complete

To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee.

-Emily Dickinson-

I'm happy.

As much as I may stress myself out and cry over my studies, I know that deep inside, I am content with my life.

Many have dreamt of it but only the privileged ones receive.

I know I'm being all sappy again. Paiseh.

C Programming

int main (void)
{
n=0;

while (n<100000)
{
printf("Computing sucks and I wish I'd vanish and die.\n");
n++;
}

return 0;
}

Academic stress

I'm so fucking pissed off.

It frustrates me all the more that I don't know who to be pissed off at.

My parents? Tutors and lecturers? My god-awful inhumanely intelligent course mates? The entire university in general? Mother Nature? God Himself?

My parents expect me to do well academically. Tutors and lecturers feed me with infinite horrible math equations and weird theories, and lots of tutorials. My horribly intelligent course mates are pulling up the grades. Mother Nature expects me to spend 8 precious hours sleeping when those hours can be put to better use like studying. God isn't giving me enough time. Only 24 hours a day?? Who is He kidding???

Tutorials and past year exam papers to be done. Lecture notes to be studied.

I'm so left behind. I've got Physics, Computing, Chemistry, and Business Law tutorials to be done. It's 2 a.m., and I'm fucking sleepy but I can't fall asleep coz every time my head hits the pillow, my conscience condemns me for wasting my time sleeping (my goodness, can you think of any other activity even more time-consuming???) instead of studying.

I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF.

I WISHED I COULD JUST IGNORE MY ACADEMIC RESULTS BUT I CAN'T.

APPARENTLY, MY EXAM RESULTS ARE TOO GODDAMN IMPORTANT AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.

To all of you Malaysian university students out there, you should feel oh-so-lucky you're studying in local uni and not in Singapore.

Note that I was being sarcastic.

What I really meant was, we students in NTU are more privileged than you guys back in Malaysia coz we learn more, undergo more stress, and hence are moulded into better students.

Note that USM students get their first class honours by not studying, but NTU students get their third-class honours by studying their asses off. Probably due to Malaysian universities having low standards and low entry requirements. Heck, even a lousy pass in STPM (A-Levels equivalent) allows you to study in Malaysian universities; probably to give students who are not doing too well academically the opportunity to get a university education. They don't see that the plan has actually backfired; nobody has a high opinion of Malaysian universties anymore. That's probably why Malaysians students get dumber each year.

Malaysian government has got to accept the fact that not all students are smart, and you can't please everyone by granting each and everyone of them a university education, especially when they're just not up for it.

I wouldn't find it surprising that Malaysia is now facing a huge brain drain problem.

I mean, who on earth would want to study in a Malaysian university if you were given the opportunity to study in Singapore?

I don't even care if I have offended anyone of you. I just want you guys to know that NTU is not an easy place to be in, and only the best can stay alive.

A few days later, I'm gonna regret I said those mean things.

But as for now, Fuck. It.

Gawd, I hate myself so much I wished I could just kill myself off but I can't coz I don't have the courage to, which in turn makes me hate myself even more.

Fuck studies.

I wished I were dead.

I no noob.

I am happy.

Coz I won -apne normal AI+.

I no noob ady!!!!!!

Yay!!!

Sakae

Sorry for the late update.

Haven't got anything interesting to blog lately.

I must have been too engrossed in either:

1. Procrastinating, bursting out in tears at random intervals for no apparent reason and being emotionally unstable due to unbearable academic stress, or

2. Studying.

I think I shall pick option (1).

As to date, life sucks.

Even that Sakae Sushi buffet I had two days ago (Where my friends and I stacked up plate after plate to keep count of how much we had eaten) didn't help.

Here are the pictures of my Sakae Sushi buffet brunchner (breakfast + lunch + dinner):

Sushi!!

Group pic!

Another group pic.

Sakae Sushi's trademark tea cup.

Eating wasabi!!

If Shane (right) didn't push away Adrian's (left) hand on time, he'd probably be crying from the wasabi's sting.

Adrian's (left) keeping his mouth as far as possible from the spoonful of wasabi.

Open wide, Kok Xian!

We all had green tea. Except for Leslie. Apparently, he prefered something with more taste.

Why snatch, when there's free flow of sushi?

My guess is that it's some kind of tempura prawn?

Oh, yes. There was this Japanese buffet I had last Saturday at Sakura, Orchard Road.

Pics on Facebook; too lazy to post them here.

Here's the first link (60 pics) and here's the second one (60 pics).

Signing off.

It's time to hit the books.

Literally. See how much I hate them?

NTU suicide cases

4 days after the suicide case of David, we come across another one.

This time, a member of the staff from NTU.

I didn't bother blogging about it at first, coz I didn't want my blog becoming a potentially boring place where opinions on a hot topic are repeated over and over, since it's pretty much assumed that by now, most bloggers in NTU would have blogged about it already.

I wouldn't want to bore my readers by repeating what other bloggers have said before.

However, considering the fact that two suicide cases in a week happening in the same place (i.e., NTU), I thought I might as well bring it up to provide to the already huge database of conspiracies and information.

(Partly also because I know that this topic is gonna attract more readers. I'm aiming to get my blog famous. Heh.)

I'm kinda against plagiarizing, so I might as well give you guys the link to what I think should pretty much sum up thee whole thing quite completely:

http://www.gabrielsai.com/blog/2009/03/a-conspiracy-theory-on-deaths-in-ntu.html

Taken from www.gabrielsai.com.

For those of you who are too lazy to click on the link, in short, I think it's suspected that David did not commit suicide, and it might be that prof. Chan has somthing to do with it, since the second suicider, Zhou Zheng, was from the same lab as David, which coincidentally was under the care of prof. Chan.

Some sexual abuse thing.

Prof Chan is gay or something???

From the things I hear, my imaginative mind and cognitive schemata tells me that prof Chan probably abused David and Zhou Zheng sexually, resulting in the two victims being under extreme pressure and hence, killing themselves.

I'm such a good creative writer.

Blah.

As far as I'm concerned, NTU is going to become a haunted university, nobody's gonna send their kids there, and NTU's ranking will drop till it reaches far beyond hell.

And then, I'm going to graduate from NTU 4 years later, not being able to find myself a job coz "NTU has a bad reputation for spawning psycho students and it's ranking is ten times lower than USM."

I'm screwed.

Examination desperation

In desperation to pass my upcoming exams with flying colors, I have come up with desperate measures.

This, so far, has been the most absurd and desperate method I have come up with:


A table/list of all my subjects and corresponding past year exam papers.

I shall print a copy of it for K and from tomorrow onwards, we shall go on a past year examination spree.

Who can fill up the list with the most ticks first wins.

I think I should be able to do well in my exams this time.

Who the hell is Liz? Like I care.

There's this guy who claims that his girlfriend, Liz, cheated on him and now he's taking revenge by posting dirty pictures of her on the Internet.

He's asking for everyone's help to spread the news.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

Out of spite or out of my hatred for cheating girlfriends/boyfriends, maybe?

(Yes, you should know that I hate cheating girlfriends/boyfriends. A lot. I think they deserve to be deprived of sexual pleasure their entire lives. Ha, ha. Evil me.)

Anyway, if you're interested, you may click on the link below:

http://ihateliz.com/?id=d17l9fjlup3541n0up2tbcozots3kj

Be warned though, that the site may contain adult elements.

Don't click on it and then come whining that I corrupted your oh-so-innocent mind.

I warned you.

Mana Potion

In almost any RPG game, Mana Potions are one of the essentials for your character's well being.

I'm sure gamers know what I mean. They know best.

Behold, the Mana Potion exclusively for Lord Humanus (In layman's term, it means human beings).


Stats:
Mana regeneration: +160 (Lord Humanus has about 110 mana by day, 100 by night).
Effects: 5 to 8 hours.
Cost: 100 Gold (Which is equivalent to about $3 in real world currency).


The Exarthos is coming.

A great fight will pursue.

Lady Humanus Rae needs to be recharged with Mana Potion.

Now.


P.S.: In layman's terms, Exathos simply means exams.

http://grouphug.us/

I have a confession.

797723438.

Blaise-moi

I'm glad I took up 'What Is Cinema?' as one of my elective courses in pursuing my Mechanical Engineering degree.

Yes, I do know quite well that mechanical engineering does not require any knowledge whatsoever on cinema, or the likes.

But what the heck.

As I said, I'm glad.

My lecturer's very eccentric (I mean, which lecturer actually uses the word 'fuck' so casually in front of a class of 150 students and openly expresses that he'd have no qualms on giving his student an A for her assignment if she was sleeping with him?) and I love his lectures coz there's practically nothing academic about it.

Last week, he let us watch a French movie, 'Blaise-moi'. Translated, it simply means, 'Fuck Me'.

I'm thankful I got to watch it coz according to the lecturer, the movie was banned in almost all the countries and he had a hard time getting a copy of it.

It's about two girls who go on a road trip with rampant sex, killing, and robbing.

I'm not going to tell you the synopsis; that's IMBd's job.

As you can probably guess by now, the movie is quite similar to porn (complete with erotic scenes, forced sex, rape, nude girls with full breasts, long dicks, blow jobs, and fuck pubs), except for the fact that this movie has 1.5 hours of run time compared to the average porn which lasts for only 15 minutes (that's my guess; I assure you, I have never laid my eyes on those damned perverted videos before), and unlike porn, the movie has a story line.

So, yes.

For 1.5 hours, I was sitting in the dark lecture theater together with some 150 other students, watching people fuck each other. Many different people fucking other different people, may I add.

In fact, you could pretty much get the whole package: Full breasts, shaved pussies, wet vaginae, and long, hard, dicks.

With some blood splattering scenes, as a bonus.

I notice this is getting more and more explicit.

Sorry.

Back to the point, aren't you just jealous that I got to watch 1.5 hours of porn/an interesting, unconventional movie?

I love my 'What is Cinema?' lecturer.

My advice to those who are contemplating taking up this course next semester: Remember to sleep with the lecturer. You might just get an A. Oh, and don't forget to remind him to let you watch Blaise-moi.

Old stuff

Oh. Mi. Gosh.

I was just missing some of the old Windows 8-bit games (with shitty graphics but still...) I used to play some ten years ago. Unfortunately, I couldn't very well remember the names of those old games...

I tried Googling descriptions of the games and it was fairly easy to find them:

1. Skifree

It was one of my all time favourites. As far as I can remember, I think I can vaguely recall that this was the first game I had ever played the first time my parents bought our very first Windows 95 family computer.

2. Jezzball
I don't remember playing this often, but I do recall that once when I was kinda hooked to it, until some point in the game where it got too difficult.

And then I gave up.

3. Rodents Revenge
This is the game that I can recall the most, which is strange, because this was also the game I got bored of the fastest, coz I couldn't seem to be able to be good at it, no matter how much I tried.

I think I had developed a love-hate relationship with it; I didn't very much liked the game but funnily, I wanted all the more to play it. I guess it's also partly coz this game was somehow erased from my computer only after a short period of time it was installed, and I kinda missed it.

Oh, well.

4. Chip's Challenge
This was my ALL TIME FAVORITE.

Unfortunately, it was also one of the hardest to Google for, because I had no idea what the title was (what, you expect a 6 year old kid to remember the title of the games she plays?) and the game was hard to describe, coz apprently, I couldn't even recall what the game actually was about.

It's like telling the guy selling CD's that you are searching for your favorite song, but you can't tell him the title or the lyrics coz you forgot it, and you unfortunately can't hum the melody either coz you have forgotten it as well.

You can bet that CD guy is going to have a helluva hard time searching for your (in a way 'non-existent') song.

So how did I finally find this game?

Luck, I guess.

Damn, I miss those good old 8-bit games.

http://grouphug.us

Sometimes all we need is a listening ear and a warm hug to make us feel all better.

607532845.

Hug me.

Please.

NTU student stabs prof, jumps

At 10.35 a.m. this morning, this happened.

And what the hell was I doing?

Dragging my sleepy ass out of bed, trudging to the bathroom thinking "Damn, it's that time of the day where my alarm clock interrupts my ultimate purpose for living."

There I was, going through my monotonous morning routine with all due respect of drowsiness, while at about a distance of 15 minutes walk away from me, there was this unfolding of an event which was so... so...

...unconventional.

Even Adrian, whom I bet dragged his sleepy ass out of bed 30 minutes later than I did, managed to catch a glimpse of the situation of the after-math.

Which explains why he was late for Physics lecture today.

Why, oh, why did I decide to take the shuttle bus to lecture today, and miss out all the interesting parts, while Adrian, who walked to lecture, managed to at least witness something (i.e., the body being covered up and several policemen sealing the place up)?

The only thing I witnessed on the shuttle bus today was...

Was...

I can't even remember. I guess it was the bus driver wearing a pair of ugly shades?

This incident has taught me two lessons:

1. FYP (Final Year Project) kills. Literally.
2. Buses are convenient, but sometimes you can get more out of walking.

P.S.: If you're too lazy to click on the link above, I'll just summarize it here. A final year student stabbed his FYP professor, and then jumped to his own death.

P.P.S.: I'll bet you're scrolling all the way back to the top to click on that link now.

P.P.P.S: Gosh, in less than 24 hours, there are already so many different websites talking about it. Shows just how fast tragedies spread, huh? Don't believe me? Just Google it.