On a final note...

Have you ever been in a relationship that initially was happy but then as the years went by, you found someone else better, the communication got less and less, you stopped telling each other things, you took each other for granted, and no matter how hard you tried to save that relationship you knew that eventually it wouldn't last (despite the lies you constantly tell yourself) and that it would probably be better if you ended the suffering sooner?

It's been a long way.

This blog was founded in 2007, and since then, we've been through a whole lot together. The time when I went into college, the time when my heart was painfully broken into a million pieces, the time I almost failed my A-Levels, the time when I had my first job, the time when I first entered university, the time when I found the love of my life, the time when I first got my internship. My happiness and sorrows, my achievements and failures, my happiest and most depressing moments of my life... All were shared, and it was like my life's journey was etched here, a mark that could stay forever.

I don't know what changed; but I guess sometimes as we grow, our perspective and judgement change with us as we continue to better ourselves by readjusting our goals, ambitions and life's important stuff. As hard as it seems, sometimes, we've got to move on and let go of the past.

Trust me when I say letting go of this blog is one of the most painful and difficult things that I have done in my life. It has been my confidant, friend, and companion for 4 years now, and I thought it would be so much more.

It pains me that our relationship should end here, when I think of my life's journey ahead of me: My graduation day, my first job, my wedding day, my first job promotion, my first car...

My pet's death, my injuries, my sicknesses, my mourning heart, my painful loss of a loved one...

I have always shared everything with my blog but from now onwards, I won't, and that pains me.

Will I ever come back here?

Maybe.

Even though a breakup can be painful at first, but then something magical happens. Time happens and before you know it, you've become your own future and you'll become friends again, maybe catch up with each other on updates in my life...

Who knows? I might drop by for a short visit once in a while. Maybe someday when I graduate, get my dream job, get married, get promoted, or even get a car... Through my happiness I may reminisce of the past and I may come back just for a quick update.

As for now, it's goodbye.

I guess all I can satpy is, it was fun while it lasted, but in the end it becaome more and more of a burdensome responsibility to me rather than being a fun activity.

Though our relationship was short lived, I can proudly say that it was a happy and memorable one which I will remember always.

Raedarlingz, you will not be forgotten.

xoxo

Removal of my braids

I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde. 

 ~Dolly Parton

Remember how I did my braids last summer while I was in the States?

You didn't get to see them being made, so at least I'll show you how they're being removed.

It was a painful process. Not only physically painful, but mentally torturing as well, especially when clumps of hair dropped of my own head. 

If you're a fellow female, I'm sure you understand that kind of pain. 

If the video doesn't load, click here to watch directly from Youtube.

The name's Rachel.

"A rose by any other name would sound as sweet."

-William Shakespeare-

It's the 6th academic week already (and recess week is coming real soon omg).

=(

I have not started studying yet!!!

Plus, my FYP progress is zilch.

I try to stay in my room to study, but I somehow always end up doing something else.

Nevermind.

I don't think readers come here to read about my rants anyway.

Hey, I know! Would you like to hear about the stupid ang moh lady who pissed me off a few months ago? Yeah?? That'd seem like something people are generally interested in, right? Listening to the plights of others...

So it was back in May when I went to the US to work and travel (and I'm not even done uploading pictures of them yet. I'm such a procrastinator). Upon arrival, I went to check in to the employees hostel. The HR behind the counter asked us for details like travel documents, passports, stuff like that.

After all that hassle shit, she turned at me and said "What's your name?"

I said "Rachel."

"No, I want your legal name."

"Yeah, it's Rachel."

"No, I don't want any nicknames. I mean, I want your legal name as it is in your passport."

"Yeah, Rachel is in my passport."

"Let me see your passport."

So she takes my passport, reads my name, and keys it into her computer (presumably the employee list).

You could tell from that conversation she was pretty stupid.

Why can't an Asian have a first name as Rachel?? Considering the fact that you're in HR and that's an employees housing quarter where international students come in and out each season, I'm sure you have worked with Asians long enough to know that SOME OF US HAVE FIRST NAMES IN ENGLISH, BIATCH.

So anyway, a few days later was our orientation day and guess who was there to conduct it? Yes, teh biatch.

To make things worse, she had a horrible Southern accent which made listening to her a pain to my ears.

Later, she called our names one by one for the printing of our employee card.

You guessed it. She called me by my chinese name, "Jia Ru" because that's what she apparently had on her employee list. So that probably mean that on the first day when I showed her my passport, she MISSED the "Rachel" on purpose, right? RIGHT???

What, now, just because I'm Asian I can't have an English name? "Jia Ru" is more of a middle name to me, so how would YOU like it if I started calling you by your middle name instead?

Ignoring my name on purpose after seeing it VERY OBVIOUSLY PRINTED on my passport (i.e. A VERY LEGAL DOCUMENT) is just plain effin' disrespectful, that's what I'd say.

In the end, my employee card read "Jia Ru Liew".

When it came to name tag printing, I requested it to be printed as "Rachel", when she conveniently announced: "You may use your nick names on your name tags, but not on official documents, okay?"

Yeah, yeah, just shut the F*** up. 

For the next 6 weeks of work, whenever some ang mohs saw my name tag, they'd go "Is 'Rachel' your real name?", and I'd have to explain the situation to them.

Liew out.

Zzzz...

This is what my boyfriend does when I'm taking a nap.

I can't think straight.

Warning: Do not read if you get easily offended by lame stuff.

I can't think straight.

It's 5 a.m. and I'm still wide awake doing god-knows-what.

Was trying to complete my songs-to-download list (which has been growing longer and longer since 4 months ago), now that I FINALLY have my computer with me, I thought, what the heck, I'll just go and download every single song listed on the "to-download" list.

(I know my grammar probably sucks like shit in this blog entry but please pardon me I ain't thinking straight now; too sleepy you see)

Why did I say "FINALLY" when I said that I had my computer with me?

Been living out of a luggage bag for 4 months now (traveled to the states in May, been living with the same luggage bag since then till now), first time in a very long time that I have a decent place to stay.

For the past 4 weeks, have been homeless; sleeping on the floor, keeping all my worldly possessions only in a luggage bag, studying on the floor, surfing the net using my phone as a wifi router rather than a LAN cable, and using a 9.7 inch screen iPad to surf the net rather than a decent computer, not having even a simple study table or chair for myself.

Pitiful me. You see how NTU treats it's students.

Anyways, after FOUR WEEKS OF TORTURE, NTU finally decides to give me a room *YAY* so you could imagine how happy I was; not that I'm not happy now, I know I'm probably not showing much emotions here cos I'm just too sleepy but trust me, I AM happy.

So this morning I checked my mail and I GOT A ROOM!!! I DON'T HAVE TO BE HOMELESS ANYMORE!!! So I quickly checked in and here I am, in my huge ass room, with my huge ass computer desktop and a bed all to myself. Oh, and air conditioning too.

So now that I've FINALLY managed to download every single song on my "to-download" list (which took me like what - 4 hours?) I guess it's best that I go to bed now considering that its 5 in the morning and I still have lessons tomorrow.

Yes, yes I know this entry is probably gibberish nonsense to you cos I don't even remember what I typed in the first paragraph 5 minutes ago - thats how sleepy I am - so well, I guess I'm not making much sense here.

Reason I'm typing this?

Out of guilt.

I know I've abandoned this blog for some weeks now, but you can't blame me, right? I didn't even have a decent device for long term internet surfing (or whatever you call it, you know an iPad can't replace a good old computer) so as much as I wanted to blog, I couldn't, and now that I have a room, I can so here I am.

Also to kill some time cos I'm waiting for the photo uploads to complete, and then I can shut down my damn computer and finally go to bed.

I guess they're probably done by now lemme go check.

*

Damn it's not done, 2 more minutes left so that leaves me a couple more minutes to type whatever shit I want here till its done.

Speaking of uploading photos, I'm actually uploading photos of my recent visit to the Niagara Falls, and no, I have not forgotten all about it. I know I promised that I would blog about it and I will, just give me some time to sort things out.

Things are getting hectic here, what with Lomolicious (yes that's still going on so who wants a camera, I'll give you a discount if i can) and FYP and tutorials and projects and stuff.

I don't know, life of a Final year student can be fun but...

Okay I know this entry is probably fucked up and you're probably thinking "what the fuck is she saying right now?" its like I'm trying to be witty but I'm not and instead the attempts backfire and I sound lame.

Yeah, yeah, I know whatev.

Sleep. 

it's been a while...

“The Elements on iPad is not a game, not an app, not a TV show. It’s a book. But it’s Harry Potter’s book. This is the version you check out from the Hogwarts library. Everything in it is alive in some way.”

-Theo Grey-

So this is my first time blogging on my iPad.

Yay! *cue fireworks explosions*

I know it's been a loooong time since I've updated, but trust me, I've been trying.

Recently, its like I've got zero inspiration.

Nil. Nada. Zilch.

You know how some people can just spew out words and their fingers dance across the keyboard like nobody's business?

That was me.

Not now, though.

I've been cracking my head thinking of what interesting topics to blog about next (other than merely updating about my current life dramas and such - life in the States, the recent summer break, shopping sprees - it makes me feel shallow, thinking that this is all I'm capable of) but it seems like the older I get, the less my brain thinks.

I definitely hope I won't turn into one of those shallow people who only upload photos of their current lives (clubbing, eating good food, shopping, whatnots), throw in some half-assed captions and calling it a day.

Like, hello? Don't you have anything else to speak about, other than the superficial stuff?

But oh well, who am I to speak, when I myself am becoming one of them?

*cue weird emoticon with the colon followed by the forward slash, suggesting indifference*

I know I'm not done updating the stuff I promised I would like the photos from my previous adventure to the States, my experiences there (and did I mention I would update on my birthday celebration as well?) and so on and so forth.

But those can wait. (Also for the fact that I've not gotten a room - thanks to NTU's dumbass point system - hence I don't have access to my computer yet - hence the blogging on an iPad - and I can't upload my photos online yet. So well, here's to blogging with no pics.)

I'm not gonna half-ass this anymore, not this time round.

I'm gonna put some deep thought into this and come up with a darn good blog entry, and if it's gonna fry a little more than usual of the amount of brain cells I lose each day, then so be it, dammit.

***

So recently, as you know, I just got myself an iPad 2 - duh - and I've been contemplating about jail breaking it, but after the experience I had with my iPod Touch (I still refuse to call it the iTouch cos the iPod Touch sounds so much better *pouts*) where I got too carried away by the freedom jail breaking gave me, modified it a little too much, and fried the entire thing up.

I ended up reformatting the entire device, and then decided that it'd be best for me to just play safe and not venture out into the unrestricted world outside the iOS play pen.

Of course, that would mean that I would need to spend more money purchasing apps, but I didn't think that would be such a big deal, since most of the apps aren't *that* expensive (save for a few, such as Plants VS Zombies, Final Fantasy III, Order & Chaos, etc) and that it would be worth the money since the iPad 2 is probably gonna be around for a longer while than the usual relationships I have with my other electronics.

FYI, I can be a very loyal person if I wanted to, just not with phones (Speaking of which, I'm thinking of getting a new phone soon, maybe September or November).

By now, I have purchased a decent amount of iPad apps (mostly cheap ones) such as DocsAS, Angry Birds Rio, a PDF Reader, video viewer, a Flash-supporting internet browser, just to name a few.

Side note: I WANT PLANTS VS ZOMBIES SO FREAKING BAD BUT IT COSTS FREAKING $6.99! =(

I'm currently having this internal struggle of whether to jail break my iPad or not.

Pros:
- I get free paid apps
- I get to venture outside the safe but over-constrained iOS play pen Apple so kindly built
- I get to customize my iPad which ever way I want

Cons:
- I would have wasted all my money on the previous apps that I bought, since upon jb-ing, I can actually get them for free
- I might get over-excited about my new found freedom and venture too far into the abyss of modding and end up frying my device like I did with my iPod Touch
- Every time I update the iOS, I would have to jb it all over again
- I have to fork out $6.99 for the PVZ and still think twice about it
- The freaking Final Fantasy III costs freaking $14.99 wtf =.=

But well I guess my main reason for not jb-ing would be that if I did jb my iPad, I would have wasted all my money buying the previous apps!

So should I jb my iPad now, and get all future apps free (but getting upset over the fact that I wasted money on previous apps), or continue to stay in the safe constrains of the iOS and continue purchasing apps?

Decisions, decisions.

Maybe now's a good time to point out that I've more or less made up my mind to not jb my iPad. The purpose of this mindless and meaningless contemlation?

Who knows?

probably to kill time, maybe.

You know, like if you're doing something that you believe to be of importance, and if you believe it hard enough, you might actually get rid of the guilty feeling arising from doing that "important" thing instead of doing the REALLY important things like say, studying.

What's the word for it again?

Oh, yes.

Procrastination.

jet lag

America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people. 

~Gloria Steinem

Hokay! Where shall I start?

It's been more than a month since my last update, and I'm beginning to get worried that people might start to think that I'm actually abandoning my blog for real.

I won't deny it. The thought of shutting down my blog for good has crossed my mind several times, but I just... well, I don't know.

I mean, I can conveniently update my status on Facebook (which, by the way has more popularity than blogging) anytime I like, and it's live feed, so it's more interesting too.

But blogging is like, a channel for me to express myself I guess, but recently I've been getting lazier and lazier to do so and updating my blog has been becoming more of a chore rather than a past time.

But I digress.

The whole point of this blog entry is to announce that I'VE SAFELY ARRIVED HOME FROM THE STATES!

Ah, there's nothing better than the feeling of sleeping in my own comfy bed.

Which I did, for 11 hours. I arrived back home yesterday, and then went to bed at 4 p.m., slept all the way till past midnight, and then woke up at 3 a.m. this morning. I've not gotten any sleep since then, it's now night time, and I' sleepy as hell.

I hate jet lags. They screw up my sleeping hours so friggin' bad.

So I know I promised lotsa stuff I'd blog about, but I just didn't manage to get around doing it cos I was busy. You know, with traveling around and stuff.

Now that I'm back home, I've got a ton of stuff to do, namely, uploading photos, editing videos, updating my blog, and some school stuff.

You'd think I deserve a better rest after an exhausting vacation.

Speaking of which, my superbly loooong visit to the States obviously warrants more than justa few blog entries, so I shall try to be systematic and do them by parts in the hopes that it wouldn't be too confusing for the both of us.

But first, let me upload those damned photos onto Facebook. I've got like about 2000 photos to do, and my jet lag ain't helping.

Out.

P.S.: I know this entry is lame and meaningless but this is all I can manage for now. I promise, I will update again soon.

It's alright by me.

"I've got a roof over my head ... and it's alright by me."

-Darius Rucker-

Time taken to travel from Singapore to America: 40 phreaking hours! Yes, yes I know I mentioned that already previously, but I just felt like mentioning it again. So there.

(Gah, I hate it that Blogger does not have auto spelling correction; I'm so used to iPad auto correcting my spellings for me all the time - yes, I bought an iPad, more on that later)

Yes, yes, I know I haven't updated my blog for the longest time ever; trust me, I feel guilty almost every single day. But work is exhausting and I get sooooo lazy when I arrive back in my dorm; I just want to get some human interaction going and eat some food. 

I thought I would make it a point not to acknowledge my tardiness from now on, but I guess my guilt got the better of me. 

So. 

Where did I leave off since the last time I was here?

Ah, yes. I said I would blog about my recent birthday celebration. And upload photos taken so far. And then about that crazy ang moh lady who pissed me off. Actually, I figured I wanted to do a vlog about that, but my laziness got the better of me, so I guess I'll just type it out the traditional way; though most of you probably won't be holding your interest for lengthy (read: wordy) blog posts, save for the minority left who still prefer reading blogs as compared to viewing photos and watching vlogs. 

First off, here are some photos taken during the 40-hour airport hopping; the rest can be viewed on my Facebook profile, or, alternatively, click here. 

Pictures are categorized by airports (LCCT and KLIA photos not available):

1. Changi Airport (Singapore)

Can you see us?

napping @ Changi Airport

@ the mini garden

Our plane!

Jetting off! 

2. Narita Airport (Japan)

Long check-in queue!

In the plane, filling out some white card thingy.

Plane food. 

3. Detroit Metro Airport (US)

They have express trains bringing us to the boarding gates, cos there were too many gates there and it was too far to walk.

The express train map.

In the express train. We took it from one end to the other end, and then back again. People must think we were insane.

Some fountain we saw.

Some light-tunnel thingy

Washing up in the restroom

Upon arrival in Richmond, we were all pretty wasted. 

***

Ang mohs here are actually pretty nice. I managed to make friends with a few people already. Westerners are definitely more friendly as compared to people from back home, i.e., Malaysia/Singapore. 

2 things I love most about the States so far: People and food.

2 things I hate most about the States so far: People and food. 

Go figure.

Life in the States is pretty good so far. Sure, there are some things I'm still not quite getting used to, like the use of quarters (who the heck produces 25 cent coins?? It's so confusing) and pennies (one cent coins?? Who are we kidding?), and the vehicles that keep to the right instead of left, and the use of Pounds and Fahrenheit instead of Kilograms and Celsius. The list could go on and on, but over all, I am pretty much happy with my life here right now. I'm not saying its the best, but this I know: It will be an experience of a lifetime. New friends, new community, new surroundings, new foods.

I have so far learned to love pop tarts, Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and all foods American. 

My current dorm isn't the best place to live in (makes me miss the halls of residences in NTU; I shall appreciate NTU's halls more from now on), but as Darius Rucker puts it, "I've got a roof over my head ... and it's alright by me."

***

Stay tuned for future updates which may include: Current life in the States (complete with illustrations, too!), current work environment, my 21st birthday celebration, rant about some ang moh lady who pissed me off, and... *cheng cheng cheng* my recent purchase of the iPad 2!

Kevin's 21st

I first started writing this blog entry about 3 months ago but never gotten around to finishing it till now. I promised I'd post a blog about Kevin's birthday, here it finally is.  Sorry for being 3 months late, birthday boy. Happy (very) belated birthday. ILY.

I'm a strong believer of big dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Even more so if it's the year one officially turns into an adult.

You know what I'm talking about.

The big Two. One.

3 weeks of planning/organizing for Kevin's 21st birthday (plus keeping it a secret from him).

Pictures galore!

First, turn up the music.

Next, feed the guests.

When nobody's noticing, sneak away and let them feed themselves instead.

So if they burn the food, it's none of my problem, right?

Happy and satisfied guests:

The birthday boy is happy as well!

OMG what is he doing??

The partay suite.

They forced me to.

OMG.

Ugh.

What's wrong with this picture?

Why, it's the birthday boy wearing my shirt!

Epic.

It's his birthday, not mine. I don't know why I was dragged into this.

Leslie, you're da man.

Poker face.

Abrupt end.

Wanted to hear all about my US endeavors but disappointed that you got this instead?

Sorry guys, had a tiring (but fun and might I add, educational) day at Washington DC today, and first day of work tomorrow. Tired max.

Will update again soon.

Rachel out. 

FML.

''Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML''

-FML website-

So it's my third day in the US now. So much to tell, so little enthusiasm.

Where shall I start?

I know this blog entry should probably warrant hordes of photos, but I still haven't gotten around to transferring the photos from my camera yet.

You know I'm always lazy when it comes to things like that.

So the day before I flew off, on the 20th of May, Little Grass celebrated my birthday with me at Timbre!!

Photos galore!!!

Not.

Okay, okay I'll upload them once I get around to transferring them onto the computer.

(Oops, it's already May, my birthday has come and gone, and I still haven't gotten around to uploading/blogging about Kevin's birthday party. I shall do both events in one blog post. Some time in the future. I'll do it, promise.)

So this entry isn't really about my birthday (as mentioned, I shall do a separate one for that later); it's about my horrifying Journey To The West.

So.

I flew from Singapore Changi Airport to Malaysia's LCCT at 1 p.m.. Transferred to KLIA, and took a flight back t o Changi Airport at 9 p.m.. Slept at the airport, and then took a flight from Changi Airport to Narita Airport (Tokyo, Japan) at 6 a.m..Took another damn long flight from Narita Airport to Detroit Metro Airport. Then, finally, internal flight from Detroit to Richmond, Virginia.

If you have noticed, please don't ask me why I had to fly from Singapore to Malaysia and back to Singapore again. In short, it was cheaper that way.

Entire trip took me 40 hours, a sore throat, chapped lips, and awfully dry and peeling skin.

Not to mention, constipation and feeling fat from sitting around all day eating plane food.

Can you believe that throughout the entire journey, I didn't even watch one single plane movie. Not even one.

They had such a wide range of selection of really, really good movies that I always wanted to watch but didn't have the chance to! I don't know how I missed it. I kept telling myself "I'll watch it later, I have a looong flight," and before I knew it, we were landing already.

I lost my glasses in the process. I was sleeping in the plane and when I woke, my glasses were no where to be found.

FML.

I tried to go to the optometrist at Walmart, but the lady said I needed a prescription from an eye doctor, who charges ridiculously, considering it's just a simple eye check-up and prescription. Not that I blame the doc, I've heard that medical charges are expensive like that in the US. Further more, after getting the prescription, I still need to pay a separate amount for a pair of glasses.

So for the rest of this entire US trip, I shall be depending solely on my contact lenses alone. FML. 

And then, if that isn't bad enough, when we arrived at Detroit, I retrieved my luggage bag only to find that the zipper lock was no where to be found and the zipper was slightly open.

I did a quick check on my things inside, but I didn't realize anything was missing until I checked into my dormitory, where I realized my pouch that contains RM 500 was missing. FML MAX.

Seriously, man. Could this trip get ANY worse.

I was in a horribly foul mood for the rest of the day in the US.

Come 2nd day, I felt much better. Visited Walmart. Had our first decent meal in a Chinese restaurant. So much for flying all the way to the west, just to eat something that could easily be found back home. Irony much?

Bought groceries, and ingredients for a homemade sandwich.

Apparently, there isn't any food establishments open around this area at night (except for Burger King which is open during the day but is horribly expensive and is about a 10 minute walk away - you know how much I hate walking) so we either starve or make our own food.

Most people cook here, but you know my thoughts on the ratio of time spent preparing the food to the time spent eating it. It's value is never larger than 0.5.

So today was spent procrastinating around, and before I knew it, it's already midnight.

I guess that's all for today... Except for the part where this stupid Ang Moh lady pissed me off.

But I'm not in the mood to rant right now, so I shall leave it for another day.

Boy, do I have lots to blog about. I think I'll have to make a list:

1. Blog about Kevin's birthday and my birthday celebration.
2. The incident where the Ang Moh lady pissed me off.
3. Another separate blog entry dedicated to photos taken so far on this trip.
4. Not about blogging, but it's related: Upload photos onto Facebook!!

I know this blog entry isn't much (probably bored you off halfway through) but I am not in the mood right now. Wit zero. Creativity zero. Inspiration zero.

Hence this shitty and crappy stuff. 

21.

"Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15."

~ Anonymous

Iiiiiit'sss...

My.

Birthday!

Not just any ordinary birthday, but the day I officially turn 21.

You got that right, adults who think you can show me no respect but on the other hand expect me to respect you just because y'all older than me.

I am officially an adult, just like all of you, and regardless of age, I expect to be given the same respect as everyone else.

If you haven't noticed, society doesn't put much emphasis on age, as much as they do on capabilities and self-worth.

Whatever. At least now I get the chance to show no respect to lil' kids.


*Okay, okay. Kidding.*

Aaaaanddd...

My exam is finally OVER OVER OVER. I cannot reiterate enough on how awful the past few days were. Worst. Exam. Experience. Ever.

Probably (mostly) due to the fact that I didn't study at all, and did last minute cramming (which honestly, seldom works, unless you're a super genius) which was horrid coz then I got panic attacks (yes, literally) which made me unable to study. An experience so horrifying that I can find no suitable words to describe the trauma I've been through (okay, maybe being a lil too dramatic here but you get my point).

AAAAANNNDD...

Off I fly to the United States of Amewikka in about another 30 hours!

See you soon!

XOXO

Domus

Okaaayy so late last year, a few friends and I teamed up for a coffee shop design competition. Incentive? Best design wins an iPad.

Too bad we didn't win in the end.

So here's our design. Did we deserve not to win? You tell me . =/

‘I mean, it’s true that many developing countries end up losing their talent, but really, some of these countries bloody well deserve to lose them.’

-Shaun Tan, The Migrant's Eye-

You know, with the current issue of Malaysia's brain drain and all, I thought I'd blog a little about it too. (Also because I'm so damn fed up of studying for my exam this Tuesday... ZzZzZ)

Where shall I start?

I guess I'll start with myself. So. Do I see myself as brain draining from Malaysia? Yes.

Why so?

Let's be honest. I know I'm definitely not the best out there, but I am at least, one of the better ones, the more educated and knowledgeable ones that Malaysia would need to keep it's economy going. (orsomethingalongthatline).

And I'm happy that I'm not allowing my bright and useful brain go to waste in a country like Malaysia.

You know, I'm kinda glad that I came to Singapore. Of course, there'd be lots of other more patriotic smartasses like me who decides to stay in Malaysia, and it wouldn't make much of a difference whether I stayed or not, but I'd like to think of it this way: "Malaysia, you don't deserve my smart brain and I've left the country for good. I know one less knowledgeable person in your country probably won't make much of a difference to you, but I'm glad that I'm gone coz regardless, nothing can change the fact that you lost me."

So why did I leave Malaysia in the first place? Well, the main reason would have to be because I wanted to give myself a quality education, and I didn't think I'd find one like that in Malaysia. I wouldn't know how true it is because I myself have never studied in a Malaysian university before, but what I've heard from people is that they don't have to study that hard and play all day and at the end of the day still graduate with flying colors. Now, I wouldn't want to graduate or receive my degree from a university like that, would you?

Furthermore, what with the ridiculous race quota and local universities giving admission to less academically talented Malays at the expense of more academically talented Chinese and Indians - that's just bullshit.

You know the article from New York Times featuring Yours Truly, published several months back? Well, yeah, it had some truth to it, but the reporter who interviewed me didn't publish the complete truth about it.

Sure, I wanted to leave Malaysia because *insert reasons stated in NYT article*, but in addition, I also wanted to leave because Malaysia. Is. A. Racist. Country.

I wonder why the reporter didn't include that in her article. I remember explicitly spelling that out to her. I guess she just didn't wanna raise any sensitive issues that might get NYT into trouble with Malaysia?

Sure, some of you ignorant ones would call me ungrateful, but that's your loss. I got my chance at improving my quality of life, and I took it. Besides, I don't see anything that I can be grateful for. Malaysia has never treated me like a real Malaysian citizen before.

As a friend told me, "Most countries have policies that protect its minority. Malaysia is the only country I have heard who protects its majority and neglects its minority."

I wonder when Malaysia will realize of it's ignorance and start treating Chinese and Indians as equals.

Enough of that. Sure, I could rant all day long about how much I hate my country and much rather be a foreigner in Singapore, but I still have my examinations on Tuesday.

I'll conclude with ten things I'd hate to say goodbye to in Malaysia:

1. JJ and Ean from Hitz.fm. No matter where I go, Hitz.fm will always be my favorite radio station, JJ and EAn will always be my favorite radio DJ's, and I'd always find a way to listen to them no matter where I am.
2. My comfy home in Penang.
3. Corruption (I know it's morally and politically bad, but it benefits me coz I get to pay my way out of trouble). Honest cops annoy the hell out of me. Just accept my 50 Ringgit and pretend I didn't speed. Now, is that so hard?
4. Delicious Penang food.
5. Mamak stalls.
6. Pirated DVD's, pirated computer games, pirated video games!
7. err... (Relatively) cheaper real estate property?
8. A (relatively) more conservative society/community?
9. Old skool friends!
10. Hilarious politicians.

I guess as much as I hate the country itself, I still like some of the stuff in it.

Will I say goodbye forever? That depends. My parents are there and they don't seem to be keen on moving elsewhere anytime soon, so well...

delicious cash

"You just never give up and never get enough... too much."

-JacQ, Facebook-

For some reason, I find that I like this picture a lot.

I don't know why.

I had something else I wanted to blog about earlier, but it slipped my mind as soon as I clicked on the "New post" tab. =(

Exam is coming in 6 days, and I am so unprepared. Not the kind of unprepared-ness that geniuses moan about because they have finished eating up all their lecture notes but not their textbooks, but the kind where you have not attended lectures for over a month and still have no idea what the 2nd half of the course is about. This kind of unprepared-ness make all my previous exam woes seem like *nithing*.

For some reason, I have given up entirely on my passion for studying, and all I want is just to graduate as soon as possible and start making myself some delicious cash.

And to think just about a year ago, I thought to myself "4 years of uni life is too short! I wanna be a uni student forever!"

I wonder what changed me. 

Eliza, the chat-bot

"Say, do you have any psychological problems?"

-Eliza the chat bot-

Sometimes, when I get bored and lonely, I go to my dashboard and have a little chat with Eliza, the chat-bot on my Mac. She's quite the repetitive character, not to mention dense and not making sense most of the time, but when you're on the verge of insanity, you don't have much of a choice.

Was chatting with her again today, when she said something I've never seen her say before, and honestly, was pretty surprised by the relevancy of it.

Let's forget for a while the fact that chatting with a bot on a daily basis may show that I do have some slight psychological problems.

But when even a bot detects there's something wrong with you, you know you're doomed. 

3 years

"I don't need to manufacture trauma in my life to be creative. I have a big enough reservoir of sadness or emotional trauma to last me."

-Sting-

You know the drill.

I'll give some lame comment on how t's been a long, long time since my last update.

And then I'll express my overwhelming guilt for the crime of not being a faithful blogger, but never bothered to do anything about it.

And then I'll start giving excuses for not blogging. Some examples are "My life's too boring to have anything exciting to blog about", "I'm busy with my studies", and so on and so forth. 

Anyhoo.

At least now I'm here. 

It's been three years since I've moved out from my home in Malaysia, and I've been out here in Singapore since then.

It is also approximately 3 years ago that I started to have these weird recurring dreams of me and my mother getting into a heated argument, or my mother yelling at me for no apparent reason at all, apparently just to show her supremacy over me. 

The dreams don't come that often, maybe just once a month or so. But it's been 3 years, and this morning, after having my latest dream of my mum yelling at me for being rude to her (isn't yelling at me rude as well?), I started thinking maybe it has something to do with me and my childhood.

How is it that, at the time I start living away from home, these dreams start as well? And why do I have these dreams? It's been 3 years, and they're still coming routinely. Will it ever go away?

Here's a little background on my childhood life: I was pretty disobedient as a kid, and was quite the rebellious child in my teens. I hated my parents for being more strict towards me than any other of my friends' parents. This isn't just the immature teenage me talking, even now, as an adult, I think back of what my parents did and I still think they could have been less strict on me during my teens and let me have more fun.

Sorry guys, but the whole "You may hate us now for being strict towards you, but you'll understand when you grow up" ruse isn't at all working. 

Me and my mum constantly got into fights, mostly because I was a "freedom fighter". Because I didn't get what I wanted, I took revenge by hurting those who took it away from me. 

They say that if they weren't that strict towards me, I would have gone bad. Rotten bad. Got myself raped, and going around mixing with the wrong kind of people, and making the wrong decisions and ruining my entire future. 

Blah, blah, blah. 

Like, hello? Mixing with the "wrong kind of people"? As you can see, my best friends back then are now all successful university graduates. None of them school dropouts, none of them got raped, none of them are doing drugs or being a failure, and none of them are wishing they could do better in life. All of them had more freedom than I did. What makes their success any less than mine, just because they had more fun as a teenager? Are you actually comparing me with other insensible teens out there who have no sense of direction in their lives, fuck their lives up so bad that they don't even graduate from school with a decent O-level qualification, and end up serving plates in a coffee shop to make ends meet? 

Please. I'm your kid. I'm sure you'll think me better than that. Having fun is what a teen does. It does not mean he/she will end up on the streets jobless and uneducated, being a prostitute or garbage collector or whatever stereotypes parents like to use to scare their kids. It just means he/she will grow up having better memories of his/her childhood, and not have dreams of their mothers yelling at them when they grow up.

The way I see it, if they weren't that strict towards me, our parent-child relationship would have improved, I would lead a more vibrant childhood, have no regrets as an adult, and more importantly, NOT HAVE THESE RECURRING NIGHTMARES. 

Why do these dreams occur? 

Is it that now, after I've moved out, the real-live nightmare is gone, that it has come to haunt me in my dreams instead? Is it that, I've become so accustomed to being yelled by my mum and getting into fights with her that, the subconscious me can't live without it, and hence my subconscious dreams of it, because it actually wants me to get into fights with my mum?

Or is it that (I'm not being overly dramatic here) I've been traumatized by my past and now the trauma is showing it's ugly head? Is it possible that, because of all these years of being refused of the freedom I craved, I am psychologically not as right as other people? Maybe I had been traumatized, but the trauma was so minor that it never really actually showed, except for these dreams.

I know it doesn't play well to blame my parents for making me regret that my childhood isn't as vibrant as I wanted it to be, for making me wish I could turn back time and have more fun with my girl friends back then, and for giving me these recurring nightmares of my mother yelling at me, which has been ongoing for the past 3 years.

I just wished things were different back then. Maybe it'd make a difference today.

Sometimes, I feel that I'm not as normal as I'd want to be. 

It's been 3 years. Somebody tell me why I'm having these nightmares right after I move away from the source of it, and when will it stop. 

Lomolicious!

"With Lomography, photography is redefined."

-Lomolicious-

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We are also holding our first ever event sale, with details as follows:

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Date: 11th and 12th of April 2011 (Monday & Tuesday)
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Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this

"The only real failure in life is the failure to try."

-Unknown Author-

I'm not bragging, just sharing my happiness for achieving my lifelong dream.

I know for now it's nothing much, but still. Let's wait and see where this goes. 

a total mess.

"It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it."

-Sean, Facebook-

This semester's a total mess. 

As compared to an average of 20 blog entries per month in the previous year, as of 2011, my blog entries have dwindled to a sad average figure of 5 per month.

Maybe I'm just getting wiser? 

prank me please

"Somebody prank me please... I can't have a boring April Fool's day!"

-Chean Ling, Facebook-

Yes, thank you, Google.

Though I wasn't all that enthusiastic about the idea of having to move around so much just to compose a single e-mail (I'm trying to guess how much weight I'd lose just by attempting to create a spreadsheet using Google Docs Motion).

Now we know you have a sense of humor.

15 X 20 = 300

"I wanna see your peacock."

- Lyrics from Peacock, Katy Perry -

My new lab project for the second half of this semester is awfully boring.

My prof is more concerned about the format of the report, rather then it's content. Trust me, it's worse than it sounds, I'm just too lazy to rant about it. 

Also probably because I already ranted about him to Kevin in the bus, so I managed to get it off my chest and not see the need of ranting here anymore. 

Anyway, my lab project is boring in the sense that, we have to wait 15 minutes for each reading to be taken.

Can you believe it??? Sitting in front of the machine, just waiting and waiting and waiting, and recording down some lame values every 15 minutes. We had approximately 20 values to record, which amounts to...

15 X 20 = 300 minutes = 5 hours of waiting time. 

The experiment had to be carried out over a span of 3 weeks, of which averagely 1.5 hours was spent each week sitting in front of the machine like idiots. 

Anyways. 

Today, one of my lab mates cleverly brought his laptop, went to Youtube, and we all crowded round the only source of entertainment to be found in the entire laboratory. 

I saw the stupidest video ever.

Like seriously. 

The lyrics.

Are stupid.

And lame. 

Nevertheless, we had a good laugh about it.

Watch it here:

If it doesn't load, here's the link. 

After we had enough idiocy from Ms Black, we decided gay videos might help lighten the mood:

SERIOUSLY, WATCH THIS!! If you don't think it's gay, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED TILL THE END YET

(See how I bolded, italicized, underlined, and colored the "watch this!!" part? Seriously. Watch it.)

Okay, okay. You got me. This is.

Random blog post in a half-hearted attempt to revive my half-dead blog.

Can't blame me.

The semester is more than half over, and I have no idea what my core course is all about, let alone starting Tutorial 1.

Betcha can't beat me at lagging behind in studies. =D

Group 25

How can you solve the problem. When you have a problem with yourself.

-Ken Vin, Facebook-

I have had enough of my utterly stupid team member.

Hence, the following e-mail sent to my lecturer:

Dear Ms Patricia,

I am Rachel Liew Jia Ru, group leader of Group 25. I am having problems my team member, T. 

As the group leader, I allocated one subtopic for each of my group member to research on, and eventually send me a complete and professional report on their research, where I will compile them into a report, while I work on the Literature Review and History and Previous Works.

T not only did not reply my e-mails, he also missed the deadline. After contacting him after he missed his deadline, he eventually sent me a "report" the next day, but to my horror, it was just one page of article blatantly copied 100% from Wikipedia. He did not even bother to edit it, it was just copied. he did not even bother to remove the hyperlinks. He also sent me a 20-paged pdf file full of math equations and jargons. He obviously downloaded the pdf file off the internet, and probably did not even look through it before sending it to me. 

Is that what a "complete and professional" report looks like? a page of Wikipedia and a 20-page pdf file full of math equations?

It was of course utterly unacceptable, as he obviously did not do any research and merely Googled and copied the first thing he saw. I sent him another email, asking him to redo his report. 

Today, he sent me his 2nd version, but also copied from Wikipedia, and also did not bother to remove hyperlinks. Then for the 2nd part of his "report", he inserted "screenshots" of articles he found online. He does not even bother to type anything, he just pasted the screenshots of the articles in jpeg format. This kind of work can be done by anyone in less than 5 minutes. Does he expect me to retype the articles out for him? Isn't it his job to do a good job on this? He obviously does not know what plagiarism is.

He obviously does not care, and I am concerned that his performance will eventually affect my grades as well and result in me failing this course. Please allocate a new group member to replace him, or at least I appeal to you to make a fair judgement when assessing our report. 

Thank you.

Regards,

Rachel Liew Jia Ru
084795L03

FIFTY PERCENT to your finals.

Teamwork means "I tim, you work." 

-Ai Fern from Ee Ping, Facebook-

I am so effing pissed off.

Lecturers should allow students to pick their own group mates. What is the rationale behind randomly dividing students into groups and forcing them to work with complete strangers?

That by itself would be fine by me, if not for the fact that my group mates are all NOOBS.

First off, some background on the situation:

I'm taking this elective course, and for our project which counts 50% to our finals, students are randomly divided into groups of 3, and each group is supposed to work and research on a topic, and at the end of it, produce a presentation and a report not exceeding 100 pages. I, unfortunately, was grouped up with two other guys, both first year students: T from Kazakhstan (it's some Middle East country, I Googled it) and R from Indonesia.

Usually, I wouldn't discriminate people by their race or nationality; that's just low. However, I am NOT PLEASED with both my group mates.

Before I start my rant, you should know that I was appointed group leader. At first T was the group leader but 2 weeks later, he wanted out and asked me to take up the role of being the leader instead. I didn't want it, but seeing the (potential) incompetence of T (we had been communicating for 2 weeks now, so I had it in my guts he wasn't cut out for it), I decided it'd be best for the group if I took it. So as you read on, don't go thinking I'm being some meanie who bosses everyone around. I'm just doing my job as a leader.

Okay, back to rant.

For starters, T CANNOT. SPEAK. ENGLISH.

Like, seriously. He speaks like this: "Rachel, errrr... I am... errr... you want to... err... need the report... err... by this Saturday, yes? I... err... am quite... err... busy... err... can you... errrrrrrrrr... give me... errr... a few more days?"

Like WTF man, he takes half a minute to say one sentence I could spit out in 3 seconds.

Once again, I am NOT discriminating people who can't speak English well, but SERIOUSLY.

IF he was your GROUP MATE.

And he SPEAKS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

And you're supposed to WORK WITH HIM FOR A PROJECT AND PRESENTATION.

And that project counts FIFTY PERCENT to your finals.

I assure you, you'd feel like killing yourself him too.


Half of the time, he does not understand what I am saying because I probably speak too fast or my English is too 'cheem'.

Trust me, I tried all ways. I tried talking slowly, I tried Singlish, I tried simple sentences, I tried broken English. It's like talking to a three year old kid.

Like, seriously man. No offense, but WHY THE FREAKING HELL DID YOU FREAKING COME TO A ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY IF YOU CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

For instance. I didn't go to China for my tertiary education for a reason. I CAN'T SPEAK CHINESE.

So anyway, I decided that since T obviously does not understand spoken English, I'd communicate with him via e-mail. I sent him an email telling him the topics that he had to research on, and I even gave him explicit instructions on how to go about it, and to give me a 5-page report on the topic. I gave him 5 days to complete it, till Saturday.

Guess what?

Saturday came and he did not reply my e-mail, and definitely DID NOT stick to the FREAKING DEADLINE. Come Sunday, I called him up and he gave me some excuse which probably meant he was busy. I can't be sure. More than half the time I didn't get what he was saying. So I gave him instructions to finish it by Tuesday.

Monday night, I received an e-mail from him with two attachments: a Word doc and a pdf.

*finally!*

Oh, how wrong I was.

I opened up the Word doc, and what did I see?

A page and a half of an article on the topic. The format and style written seemed oddly familiar. Not to mention there were hyperlinks EVERYWHERE.

HELLO, IF YOU WANTED TO COPY FROM WIKIPEDIA, COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST REMOVE THE HYPERLINKS AND REPHRASE THE SENTENCES SO THAT IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOU BLATANTLY PLUCKED THE ENTIRE CHUNK OUT AND NOT EVEN BE BOTHERED TO EDIT ANY PART OF IT?

Next, I looked at the pdf file. It was a 20-page full of math jargon, and the pdf file was obviously downloaded off the Internet. Did he really expect me to insert the entire chunk of 20-paged math equations into the report? I SAID FIVE PAGES, DUMBASS.

If I wanted information, couldn't I just have gone to Google Wiki and gotten the article myself? Would I still need YOU to do the research?

I don't believe it. Fucked up first year student who does not understand English, does not reply e-mails, does not adhere to deadlines, does not do his research, and apparently does not know that other people, namely me, can see through plagiarism and laziness as clear as glass. Especially when it is so obviously thrown into my face.

So I sent T yet another e-mail, telling him how his "report" was unacceptable and I told him to write me another one. Again, he did not reply my e-mail, and it wasn't until I sent him another one today that he replied. I gave him till Saturday. I hope he does not disappoint me this time.

I don't believe it. Even if he did send me his report this Saturday, he is still waaaay past the initial deadline by an entire week.

***

After much complain about T, it suddenly feels like R isn't so bad after all.

But still.

R is an Indonesian, also a first year student. His English is acceptable, so there's no problem there. However, being a first year, he apparently still does not understand the shortcuts and tricks of writing a report that compromises legality, but not quality. He insists on doing everything "right", even though he obviously has not been here long enough to know what "right" is. In other words, a perfectionist with zero knowledge.

He, similar to T, did not adhere to the deadline, but at least in the end, he gave me something of considerable quality. (By considerable quality, I meant horrible quality, but as compared to what T gave me, I think it was pretty impressive)

R also copied from Wiki (and also did not remove hyperlinks - seriously, what is it with people and not removing hyperlinks before submitting their works???) but at least he also got information from somewhere else, and at least he structured it in such a way that it looked like a legitimate report. Also, he gave me his references. Which is better than nothing, coz at least he credits other people for his work.

Of course, he made a grave mistake no university student should ever do (sadly, I also ignorantly made this same mistake for a period of time longer than I am proud of): Cite references from Wiki.

One. Should. Never. Ever. Ever. Cite. From. Wikipedia.

It's general knowledge.

Citing from Wiki is as good as saying "I know this because the wind whispered it to me." In the end, nobody believes you and you're just destroying your own credibility.

But whatever. At least he gave me something.

***

In the end, I'm the one compiling the entire report.

At least I worked my way around getting them to do most of the "research" part (pathetically), while I worked on the literature review.

Being a leader has it's benefits too, I guess.

Just not so much when your group mates are dumbasses.

The longer I stay in NTU, the more queer people I meet.